I have written this post in response to a dear blogger friend of mine, who had the courage to ask her readers “What is self-love?” It was a courageous act, because so many of us pretend we have self-love when we don’t. To admit you don’t is to leave yourself open to judgement from others and bare your soul in a very vulnerable way. However, it is the first necessary step in finding self-love.
Imagine us as individuals, as a large chalice that is filled with liquid. We are born empty and from the moment we enter the world we begin to be filled up. At some point we are full and begin to overflow. It is at that point we are forced to examine the liquid inside of us and be more discerning. We have new information (liquid) every day; we cannot incorporate it into our selves unless we empty some of the liquid out of the chalice.
If we are wise we will keep the liquid that enhances our lives. The stuff that makes us feel good and we will tip out the things that hold us back. This is where the discernment comes in, what do we keep and what do we throw away?
Before we can discern what is good for us and what is bad, we need to look at where it came from. We all start our lives as innocent empty vessels. As a child we are vulnerable, we rely on others to provide our needs. They are simply, either met or they are not. If our needs are not met and we see others, whose needs are met; we begin to develop opinions around why our needs are not met. These are layered on top by the opinions of others, our parents, caregivers, anyone around us. We may think “What is wrong with me” “Why do people treat me like this?” and this thinking may lead onto thoughts of unworthiness or not being good enough.
We go to school with our thoughts which are reconfirmed and layered upon again. We don’t respect our selves, others see this and react accordingly. We may begin to rebel against authority figures which further compounds our troubles and feelings of unworthiness. Entering the adult world our future path is being set, by the influences we have taken on board as our own. How do we correct this?
Sometimes life circumstances take over and force us to confront this head on. We may have a breakdown or find out some information that tips our world, internally and externally.
The experts will tell us, that when everything we believe is challenged, that is when we break down; but is that a bad thing, or is there some hidden treasure in the path of our despair? I believe there is, because I have tread this path and come out the other side. It is only when we empty ourselves of all the liquid inside us; and look, at where it came from, that we can refill up our chalice with the good stuff.
When we don’t have self-love we are wandering in the desert of life, looking for meaning, purpose and direction; we flit from idea to idea. Why? Because we don’t know who we are, we have spent our lives watching and observing the reactions of others and internalising them. We are prisoners of our own minds replaying those negative internal tapes again and again. We are in fact, being our own worst enemy.
Our thoughts are powerful things they become our reality. We are creating our own lives every day by the things we think, about ourselves and others.
If you expect people to let you down they will and if you expect to fail you will. Sometimes to turn your life around you have “to fake it, till you make it” Remember you are creating new thought patterns and reversing years of unconscious conditioning. You may decide to look in the mirror and say to yourself “I am a good person, I am worthy, I am loved” I can see you now laughing at yourself as you think saying it but trust me it works.
Find someone you look up to and emulate them. Dissect what makes them, who they are, create a new you. Find what brings joy into your life, something you do that makes you lose track of time and do this thing, as often as you can. For me, it is writing
For me this subject is so close to my heart, I know it because I have lived it. I firmly believe that nearly all the social problems in the world are caused by two things, poverty and low self-esteem. When you break that down even further, it comes down to one thing a lack of love. We do not love our fellow man/woman/child enough to make sure they do not live in poverty and we do not love ourselves.
We are more than the sum of our parts. We are capable of so much more than we realise but for us to achieve it we must believe in ourselves.
We must realise that we are all connected and that what we do for another, we do for ourselves also. For me this subject is so close to my heart, I know it because I have lived it. I have watched others live it and struggle to find self-love. I have dedicated my life to helping others find it. My second book Broken is a true story of one women’s journey to self-love and I would like to share with you an excerpt of it.
This is Susan’s story of her journey from despair to healing. Susan begins to experience a feeling that leads to childhood memories of sexual abuse in middle age. Memories she has no recollection of, that begin to haunt her in the present. She embarks on a journey of discovery, which challenges everything she thought about her life previously. There are times she thinks her dark night of the soul will destroy her and all her closest relationships. Once she has opened Pandora’s Box, it cannot be closed until she has come full circle. This book is a gripping, tense and sad narrative that you will not be able to put down, until you have finished it. A must read for those who dare to explore the grey and darker areas of life.
This book is dedicated to the lost, the lonely and the broken members of society. It is you, who are the pioneers; it is you that have crossed uncharted territory. You are the people who possess the courage to be different, to lead the masses. It is to you; I send my love and ask for all the blessings of the universe. You are not forgotten or unloved, and if you remember nothing of this book but this, remember you are dearly loved.
For we are all connected, in the only sense that really matters, the soul connection; you are loved unconditionally and all you have to do to connect with this unending reality of love, is believe, with all your heart, that it is there. It is waiting for you, like an old friend you have forgotten about, like a warm drink on a cold night. It is your birth right and it is who you truly are. It is waiting to catch you when you fall and lift you up were you belong, to connect with your vision of your best self. Remember, universal truth needs no proof; no evidence to support it, for it speaks directly to the heart itself and bypasses the intellect. Intelligence speaks in the material world, whilst love speaks universally to all, with the purest love of all.
There is no journey that you cannot turn back from; there is no mistake you cannot retract from. Whoever and wherever you are, there is always a way back from, where you are, to where you would, like to be!
In conclusion to my dear friend Kina, you can find her blog here http://humaninrecovery.wordpress.com/ I hope I have answered your question and thank you for inspiring me to write this. To my readers, thank you for taking the time out of your busy day, to read this post. Please leave me a comment on your thoughts, I promise to reply to everyone personally who does. For anyone who would like to message me personally, you can find me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I have dedicated this post to the 2013 Bloggers for peace, of whom I am a member you can find them here http://everydaygurus.com/2012/12/20/we-can-make-a-difference-right-here-right-now/
This was after I read another blog this morning that inspired me to make a difference you can find the blog here http://kmhubersblog.com/2013/01/10/thursday-tidbits-posting-for-peace/
Please join us and help us change the world.
Wishing you all love & laughter always